From an exchange of messages on rec.martial-arts.
Sheep Defense #1: Against a charging sheep attack. Sidestepping by placing the right food behind the left, you dodge the sheep's charging attack, swinging your right arm up and around to bring a hammerfist to the back of the sheep's head. Follow with a left front kick to the jaw, and then a right reverse leg sweep to both of the left legs, if possible. Cover out, grab scissors, and shear.
Plunging Cow: Against whatever sort of horn attack a cow can mount. Step forward at a 45 degree angle, stepping left and parrying the cow's right horn with a right chop block. Do NOT strike the head. Cow skulls are hard. Follow with a lunging front kick to the udder (also known as the "milking strike", and then vault onto the cow's back. Use the cowbell-strap as a sleeper hold. When the cow loses consciousness, roll off the cow to one side, then tip.
Multiple Barnyard Defense: Against a surrounding attack by a horse, two chickens, and a pig.
You are, of course, facing the horse. As the pig makes its move (it always will), flow towards the chicken on the right, doing a left-handed finger-rake to the horse's nostrils and a simultaneous spinning right hook kick to the pig. With your free right hand scoop up the chicken, keeping your spinning momentum to throw it at the other chicken as a distraction. Rolling across the pig's back, use your free legs and perform a double crescent kick to whatever part of the horse you can reach. Upon landing, bonk the chickens' heads together, grab them, and drive the two beaks into the base of the pig's skull. Throwing both chickens at the horse, do a somersault between the horse's legs, roll out on one side, and leap over the horse, grabbing the mane as you fly across and using it as a takedown.
Well, honestly, that's about all I can think of. If I'm ever assaulted by my cat, I'll let you know how things go.
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