Epic fantasy as a dating manual?

  • When you’re trying to catch the cute guy’s eye is the exact moment the dwarf will pick to approach you;
  • Eating raw fish is no longer a sign of a sophisticated date. (That said, you have to admit the Atkins plan is working for Gollum.)
  • If you’re the only girl among 100 guys you’ll still fall for the only one who has a girlfriend;
  • When overused, terms of endearment such as “precious” lose their meaning;
  • All couples fight, but battles shouldn’t last so long that one of you has to get up and stretch your legs or use the bathroom;
  • It doesn’t matter if you look like Liv Tyler; your pining and whining will still get on people’s nerves;
  • Don’t blame your friends just because they can see right through your creepy little partner;
  • If you can get along on a road trip, the relationship will probably last;
  • There will come a point when it seems like the relationship should be over. Don’t drag it out. Just end it there.
And finally, the mother of all dating wisdom:
  • Some people will go to any lengths to get a ring; others, having had one for awhile, will go to any lengths to chuck it into a volcano.

(via Rachel)

iTunes: “Moron” by K.M.F.D.M. from the album WWIII (2003, 5:05).

[See also: Words of Wisdom | Switzerland | Adoption | Appropriate Blame | Just a little warm… ]

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