eclecticism

03/13/2004 |

Computers are wonderful things. A computer plus the Internet is even more so, with the ability to connect easily, quickly, and in many different ways with people around the world.

But the real world is a very important thing, too — and it scares me when people will abandon their lives for the sake of online interactions. The Everquest Daily Grind tracks stories from people whose lives have been affected by Everquest addicts…

My 15 yr old son bought the game two years ago for his sister. My husband took it over and has been playing constantly ever since. My son says he regrets ever buying it and considers anyone who plays computer games all day to be a loser. It’s hurt his relationship with his dad. …He starts playing about ten mins after getting home from work and stops just long enough to eat dinner. Then he plays again til bedtime around 11. ON weekends he gets up around 8am and plays all day til 10 or 11pm. …I don’t know if he realizes how bad things are between him and all of us. The kids have lost respect for him and I am very lonely. We just live our lives without him.

p>I’ve seen this happen with friends, too.

I’ve watched one friend lose his friends, girlfriend, job, and health because he did nothing except play EQ, sunup to sundown. I’ve consoled the girlfriend of another when he ignored her attempts to coax him into bed, preferring to play his game.

Of course, it’s not just EQ, but virtually all forms of online interaction that can prompt his sort of behavior in people. IRC channels, web-based chat, online gaming, discussion boards…even weblogs (gasp!) can interfere with people’s real lives — and not just the people that are directly involved — if they’re allowed to have too much influence.

I’ve always kept a fairly strict hierarchy for my interactions, and it’s rare that I’ll deviate without good reason. In order from most to least important, with each able to be superseded at any time by the item above:

Real-world, face-to-face interactions.
Phone calls.
IM messages.
Online chat.
Online games (mostly included just to fill out the list, as I’ve never been much of a gamer, let alone an online gamer).

Personally, I find it somewhat amazing that people can approach the world with a different set of priorities, but it’s obvious (and somewhat sad) that they do.

(via Boing Boing)

iTunes: “Pore” by ohGr from the album Welt (2001, 3:57).

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11 Responses to “Don’t ignore the real world”

Stacy Says:
March 13th, 2004 at 7:03 pm

I am very happy that James finally got bored of EQ! James plays an awful lot of games, but I use that time to get things done that I need to, go to the gym, grocery shop, etc, by the time I get home James is ready to spend time with me

Alicia Says:
March 13th, 2004 at 8:19 pm

I have had friends lose their jobs and girlfriends to online games. I have been a “gaming widow” myself. It is a total escape for these people, who would rather live their lives in a fantasy community than in the real world. It’s just sad.

Of course, I may be quickly becoming the blogging equivalent Time to go call some friends and get together.

Robert Says:
March 13th, 2004 at 10:33 pm

Swap around 2 and 3 and then swap 4 and 5 and you’ve got my priority list. Unfortunately, I’m not exactly great with making new friends and I don’t have the largest amount of minutes for my cell phone, so IMs come first. Washington-number cell phones are cool especially when the majority of my friends are in Washington and I am in Cali.

Personally, I’ve known one evercrackhead. He was not beyond rescue, as one of our friends proved. Besides, it only cut into his grades and sleep. Otherwise, he had a girlfriend for a couple years and held normal friendships, talked on the phone often enough for a teenage male.

Tim Who? Says:
March 14th, 2004 at 4:03 pm

Someone I know and care about, spends hours….HOURS every day with these games. And it breaks my heart to see so much time wasted. But its not my time he’s wasting, it’s his and he can do as he pleases.

I like you list of 5 but you left out E-mail.

I don’t play on-line games. I rarely IM (how often have you seen me on line?) I don’t go to chat rooms And I don’t like the phone. Short calls are ok.

Face to face or E-mail please. I’ll do more Live Video (iSight) as it becomes more wide spread. As a tool its much more face to face than IM or even a phone call could ever be. And web cam doesn’t count.

Martin Alderson Says:
March 15th, 2004 at 11:05 am

WTF is this bullshit.

Anyone has a right to live their life in the way THEY want. Just because you think its ‘sad’ doesn’t matter.

I know, Buddist Monks never talk to anyone!!! They must be REALLY SAD!!! Oh no, we can’t say that as religion is much more important! However, it’s fine to insult other people on the way they live their lives as long as it’s not religiously or ethnically devoted.

Get a grip people. Just because someone loves to play video games, doesn’t mean that they are sad or socially deficent. Infact, they probably have more social contact than you do, just the fact that it is on the internet instead of ‘real world’.

PS: I’m not a big gamer - a few games of counter-strike or battlefield 1942 is fine for me.

Firas Says:
March 15th, 2004 at 12:22 pm

I think the issue is that the monks don’t pretend to have social commitments of the sort that the average gamer does (family, school, work etc.)

Tim Who? Says:
March 15th, 2004 at 5:05 pm

Martin I did say my friend was wasting his time but I also said “it’s his and he can do as he pleases.” He is allowed to waste his time gaming if he wants, and I am allowed to think he’s wasting it.

Its not games that are bad or even playing games. There is no harm whatsoever in games. The harm we are talking about is when one thing (anything) takes over your life so completely that it effects all those near to you. ie: spouse and or children. It could be building model cars or bloging on the computer, whatever. But when it gets to the point that it causes problems with your spouse your children or even your employer, it is then a problem. And we, the writers just happen to know people who’s game playing, IS a problem. Not all gamers have a problem nor are all problems due to games, but some are and thats what we are talking about.

Robert Says:
March 15th, 2004 at 10:29 pm

Tim put it better into words than I ever could have. When a person has a spouse, a significant other, even friends, someone of them is likely to base their trust in the person based upon their need for the person. Therein lies the problem: The person may get so wrapped up in the game that punctuality amongst real life affairs takes a back seat. It is a bad thing, because it can cost them friends, family, even their jobs.

Seth The Lost Says:
March 16th, 2004 at 7:53 am

True. It’s your right to live your life the way you please. I have a friend that drinks himself drunk almost every week night. He started just drinking on weekends & he was the guy at every party who would become a slobbering drunk but now he does it almost every night. He has cheated on his wife blaming it on the fact he was drunk.

So I should just let him continue living his life this way if it makes him happy?

I think to fully understand the difference you need to look at this as the difference between a casual drinker & the alcoholic. There is no problem with playing a few computer games on the weekend. It’s another issue when you shape your life around a video game.

EQ addicts usually log in the minute they get home from work. They eat at the computer. They justify skipping things in life because they have raids or groups to go fight with on line. Soon they have ‘On-line’ friends over real life friends. While this is fine in many ways & a way to meet many new great people on the flip side you may start turning to those on-line people to fill the gaps your missing in your life. Ignoring the people that are there for you for people who only want you there becsase your what’s good for them at the time. Or even more frightening. There are those who found themselves just playing the game & loosing all contact with everyone around them. They are dying for so many things in life, contact with others, the touch of a human hand, a small conversation; but are so wrapped up in their escape they just keep plunging deeper & deeper into it in desperation.

Anyways, your right. It’s your right to live your life the way you want. But if your goal is purely to help a friend in need, can ever such a quest be wrong?

Peace -Seth

Crowbird Says:
July 24th, 2004 at 11:49 am

Hi. I’m looking for a local EQ addicts group in the Seattle area. Recovering addicts that is

SLomo Says:
August 5th, 2005 at 7:36 am

Everyone is allowed to live the live they want to, but when peoples around them feel hurt and the player don’t give them the respect that all persons have right to, there is a problem.