Joshua Allen (aka Fireland) uses Science! to determine the perfect song length: two minutes and forty-two seconds.

Just look at what clocks in between two and a half and three minutes: “Mr. Tambourine Man,” “We Got the Beat,” “Boys Don’t Cry,” “Hot Fun in the Summertime,” “Good Times Bad Times,” “I Would Die 4 U,” “Paranoid,” “Blowin’ in the Wind,” “Debaser,” “God Only Knows,” and “Fall on Me.” These are not only stone-cold classics but they also encapsulate all that is great about the band without wasting your goddamn time.

The scientists then dug up this song by a group that pretty much defines one-hit wonder: the La’s. The song is “There She Goes,” and is so flawless that it instantly made everything else the band did pointless. This ditty is two minutes and 42 seconds, and is all about songwriting economy.

I listened to it and said, in my rich and sonorous timbre, in my typically concise and absolutely-nailing-it fashion: “Here is a song that has everything I need and nothing I don’t.”

Out of curiosity (and amusement), I did a quick scan of my music collection to see what I had that clocked in at this magical time. Here’s a few that I noticed that deserve mention (though whether they prove or disprove his conclusions may well depend on your personal taste)…

  • The Beastie Boys, “Lighten Up”
  • Count Basie, “April in Paris”
  • Mark Dinning, “Teen Angel”
  • The Tokens, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight (Wimoweh)”
  • Neil Diamond, “Red, Red Wine”
  • The Mamas and the Papas, “California Dreamin’”
  • Pearl Jam, “Oceans”
  • Bow Wow Wow, “I Want Candy”
  • The Violent Femmes, “Mother of a Girl”
  • The Drifters, “Under the Boardwalk”
  • Frank Sinatra, “Lover”
  • Chuck Berry, “Johnny B. Goode”
  • Danny and the Juniors, “At the Hop”
  • Depeche Mode, “Enjoy the Slience (Harmonium Mix)”
  • The Mouseketeers, “The Mickey Mouse Club March”
  • The Andrews Sisters, “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy”

All in all, some good stuff in there. He just might be on to something…

[See also: Disney sued over ‘Wimoweh’ | Impulse buying is evil | So punny | Wimoweh Lawsuit Won | Wimoweh ]

« What’s your song? | Music IQ »