TSA Checkpoint A couple days ago, disgusted (as [everyone][5] [should][6] [be][7]) with the TSA’s current policy of sexual abuse at the screening stations (your choice: [nude photos][10] or [sexual assault][11]), I tweeted [this][3]:

[3]: http://twitter.com/#!/djwudi/status/3927814650724352 “@djwudi: After this…”
[5]: http://wewontfly.com/ “We Won’t Fly”
[6]: http://www.optoutday.com/ “National Opt Out Day”
[7]: http://www.thousandsstandingaround.org/ “Thousands Standing Strong”
[10]: http://gizmodo.com/5690749/these-are-the-first-100-leaked-body-scans “Gizmodo: One Hundred Naked Citizens: One Hundred Leaked Body Scans”
[11]: http://www.ourlittlechatterboxes.com/2010/11/tsa-sexual-assault.html “Our Little Chatterboxes: TSA – Sexual Assault”

> After this and similar, I’m almost disappointed I’m not flying soon. I’d wear my kilt. _Commando_. Grope away, sucker!

It seems I’m not the only one who’s had this idea….

From [TSA Opt-Out Day, Now with a Superfantastic New Twist! – Jeffrey Goldberg – National – The Atlantic][1]:

[1]: http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/11/tsa-opt-out-day-now-with-a-superfantastic-new-twist/66545/ “TSA Opt-Out Day, Now with a Superfantastic New Twist! – Jeffrey Goldberg – National – The Atlantic”

> It’s a one-word idea: Kilts. Think about it — if you’re a male, and you want to bollix-up the nonsensical airport security-industrial complex, one way to do so would be to wear a kilt. If nothing else, this will cause TSA employees to throw up their hands in disgust. If you want to go the extra extra mile, I suggest commando-style kilt-wearing. While it is probably illegal to fly without pants, I can’t imagine that it’s illegal to fly without underpants.  I If you are Scottish, or part Scottish, or know someone who is Scottish, or eat Scottish salmon, or enjoy Scotch, or have a vestigial affection for “Braveheart” despite Mel Gibson, you can plausibly claim some sort of multicultural diversity privilege — the term “True Scotsman” refers to soldiers who honor their tradition and heritage by wearing kilts without drawers underneath.

For the record, I _always_ fly wearing a Utilikilt, and as with any time I wear a kilt, unless there’s some situation that demands otherwise, I generally do go commando. Hey, it’s comfortable, and under normal circumstances, there’s little to no likelihood that anyone’s going to be seeing anything they don’t want to. It’s never been a problem — quite the opposite, in fact, I usually just breeze through the metal detectors.

This past summer, though, as I was flying up to Anchorage from Seattle, I was pulled aside after going through the metal detector for a patdown. I was surprised, especially when the TSA screener told be that I was pulled aside specifically _because_ I wore the kilt. My best guess is that because they can’t eyeball the shape of your upper legs as easily as when wearing pants, it’s marginally more likely that I could have something dangerous but non-metallic strapped to my upper/inner thigh. If that was the reasoning (they didn’t say), it does make me wonder if they regularly pull women wearing skirts aside for the extra pat-down, or if they reserve that treatment for men in skirts. Obviously, weirdos like us are far more likely to be dangerous.

The pat-down itself was about what I’d expect of a normal pat-down — thorough enough, with a quick run of the hands up my legs and under the kilt, but not _so_ thorough that the screener knew whether or not I was commando. No fondling was involved, though there was a cursory brush-down of the front of the kilt that jostled things around a bit. A bit surprising, but at the time, I just shrugged it off.

No more of that, though. While I’m not flying anytime soon, if all of this ridiculousness is still going on when I do have to fly somewhere, I’m _definitely_ opting out, and they just better do their jobs. If they’re determined to sexually assault me, then I’m at least going to get my money’s worth!

(via _[@jackwilliambell][4]_’s retweet of _[@furf][2]_; image via _[BoingBoing][8]_ via _[Oleg Volk][9]_)

[2]: http://twitter.com/#!/furf/status/3899553833029633 “@furf: How to deal with the TSA…”
[4]: http://twitter.com/#!/jackwilliambell “@jackwilliambell”
[8]: http://www.boingboing.net/2010/11/16/achtung-tsa.html “BoingBoing: Achtung, TSA!”
[9]: http://olegvolk.livejournal.com/919747.html “Oleg Volk: Achtung, TSA!”