Why gay marriage should not be legalized

Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

Update: When I originally found this piece, it was uncredited, and so I posted it as I found it. Thanks to Suchita for pointing me to the original source: the Gator Gay Straight Alliance at the Univeristy of Florida.

  1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
  2. Heterosexual marriages are valid becasue they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.
  3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
  5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
  6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
  7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire counrty. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
  8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  10. Children can never suceed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
  11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer lifespans.
  12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “seperate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Seperate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as seperate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

Not the best I’ve ever read, but not terrible, and has its amusing moments. Its heart is in the right place, though.

(via Something Positive)

Author: djwudi

Enthusiastic ambivert. Geeky, liberal, friendly, curious, feminist ally; trying to be a good person. (he/him)

0 thoughts on “Why gay marriage should not be legalized”

  1. cant tell if its serious or not..maybe im just having a dumb day, but id love to know. seems a little ecentric which is why i have my doubts. thanks!

  2. Oh my gosh – that’s HILARIOUS!!!! I’m doing research for a college speech on gay marriage,
    and I will definitely quote part of this for my attention-getter!! Thank you!

  3. No problem Michael Hanscom. By the way there is an extra “h” in my name but it doesn’t matter too much…just keep on spreading the word about GGSA’s website.

  4. i believe that gay marriage SHOULD be allowed and i hate everyone who has something mean to say about gay/lesbian people i am straight but i will fight for their rights only because they to have the right to happiness just as we do so much for equal rights in america!!!!!!!! geez i don’t care i will support them i dont care if people hate me for supporting them i will fight with them till the end and till they have the rights they should have just like anyone else. thank you.

  5. Gay marriag should be legal. Gay people are just like us but with different oppinions. Everyone has different oppinions, such as a jock may not want to date a geek, thats just like being gay only ther not gay. u get what i mean. Anyone who has a problem with gay marriag should have a problem with themselves. i mean every one has opinions. people may not want to date someone because of their race or backround. thats what we should be focusing on, not homosexuality. if you do not get what im saying ur an idiot because im only in the 7th grad.

  6. whomever has a problem with gay marriage should be ashamed of themselves and whoever has a problem with homosexuality is an asshole because gay people are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. GO CALIFORNIA WHOO.

  7. not all gay parents raise gay children and not all straight parents raise straight children…and the world doesn’t need more children we are already over populated…and as for women being “property” you must not have very good relationships with that mind set…so good luck getting a girl w/ that buddy.

    ur gay, and i hate you

  8. i totally agree that same sex marriage should not be legalized.God creates two types of human being.Undoubtedly God makes us in couples, which are men and women…It is the exact nature of life…same sex marriages do not bring us anywhere.At last we would be in loneliness and meaningless life without a proper family…

  9. Got here from the “recent comments” area. Although I’m one of those who believes Paul’s words on this are Biblical, I have a question as to whether civil marriages have to agree with the Word of God. If they do, then are marriages between heterosexual non-Christians non-binding?

    One thing I do have to say; the “God hates fags” crowd succeeded in making Jerry Falwell look good. Just this last week at a church meeting, we were discussing the events surrounding the funeral of a soldier who died in Iraq. It sounds like the “God hates fags” crowds are picketing the funerals of all Iraqi casualties, regardless of their personal sexual orientation, on the grounds that the U.S. is being punished by God for its wild ways. You can imagine how the families and friends of the soldiers feel about this.

  10. Although the list of 12 reasons not to allow gay marriage was funny, I say “Hell No to Gay Marriage” thats nasty!! The butthole was made to b an exit…. NOT an entrance!!!

    1. Straights do it in the butt too. And what about gay women? Just cause your gay doesn’t mean you do it in the butt. There are other ways the gays pleasure each other.

  11. Homosexuality, should be made illegal for the sane fact that it threatens all human life on the planet. Just imagine, every human on earth turns gay, no more reproduction of human life, bye bye humanity! Thats right boys and girls, the human race will go extinct if homosexuality is considered as “responsible” and “ok”. Two men can not make a baby, nor can two women make a baby, hence everyone becoming gay is very very bad for the survival of humanity.

    Now let’s take it one step further, now most of humanity is homosexual and no longer reproducing, and the rest of women are having abortions. Does anyone else see the major threat pointed at humanity? On the yearly avarage, there are about 48 million abortions a year, thats right 48 million x homosexual = kiss you @ss goodbye humanity!

    And abortion is murder, due to the fact that the woman is terminating the only process that can produce life, hence destroying life.

    I don’t bother taking the approach “this is evil”, I rather take the logical conclusion that faces us directly, these things offer nothing to the protecting of human life. Homosexuality, and abortion can only end life, never create it. Hence being a homosexual, or an abortionist is a HATE CRIME against HUMANITY!

  12. Yeah, dumba**, there’s such a shortage of people on this earth. Thank God you’ve found the source of our underpopulation problems. All this wasted food – if only there were more mouths to eat it. Damn homos.

  13. wow…for one, #11 is rediculous. Homosexuality has been around for hundreds of years. Just like Heterosexuality. The only difference is, is that now homosexuals aren’t hidding it anymore. They have decided to stop caring about what others think. Which I believe is a brave thing to do. I, personally, can’t get enough of guys and I am a girl and could not imagine ever dating a girl but homo’s are still living beings like us and deserve the same respect. Oh an all of my gay friends have straight parents. One last thing, #5…I am one of the whitest girls you’ll ever meet and I would love to marry a tall black man, I mean damn have you seen them. Thanks for reading!

  14. poor people. if your in love, you cant help it. im straight and all but come on now. can you help who you love? i say do what ya want. if your in love and happy then thats all that matters! :)

  15. Gay marriage shouldn’t be accepted. joshua you are wise. if it is accepted,,,, then environmentalist should cut short thier campaign on global worming since everything is meangless. which future should we protect the environment for? … Believe me OR not gay marriage endangers humanity. Imagine every other man pushing a dick in asshole of fellow man! “shit” . Please any gay, pull out that dick in the but-hole…… you have no place on earth, try jupter or guantenamo

  16. Umm well this doesnt help me at all. Your answers seem to be very one-sided, and also a few of these are (I hate to use such simplistic terminology but) very dumb. Taking a look at #3 well explain how we get gay/lesbian people then? exactly they came from a heterosexual couple and somehow ended up the way they are.
    I personally am not against gay marriage or exactly for it but I can live with whatever happens. Pretty neutral here! The whole GOD hates homosexual, so not true. God is loving and excepts all who except him. Yes he made men and women for each other but im sure he has some reason for homosexual. Everything balances out somehow. Though we dont understand, DOES NOT MAKE IT WRONG!
    I say “Pass this gay marriage law and lets get on to some really important stuff in the world, Perhaps the war, starving children, global warming”

  17. For those who might not have realized, this is a humorous depiction of some of the things the opposition to Gay Marriage says. I have asked people and had some of those same reasons (gay people make gay kids, kids need a male and female role model at home) told back at me. This list is a rebuttal to these stupid arguments >.<;

  18. if your so worried about humanity, tell us all why were even here!! is it just to reproduce? and what about the married couples who chose not to have kids or the people who cant, huh? marriage should be built on LOVE not just reproducing. there are role models all over the place. aunts, uncles, grandparents, male teachers, female teachers… children don’t NEED a mother and a father, what they need is support and stability, and any parent who can provide that is gonna do a good job!

  19. Straight people can also raise gay children, that is most likely how gay children come to be. =.=”
    And, gay couples can also raise straight children.
    Reading this list makes me sick. I have to use this as a topic and this information is very stupid.

  20. Guys, In the completely ridiculous theoretical situation of all men and women turning on men to marry women, humanity would come to a fast halt. Yet, this “logical” approach taken by joshua is preposterous. For if everyone on the Earth ( YES All 7 BILLION of them!) Were to suddenly begin hmmm… raping the nearest person.. Okay wait. Everyone? Yeah. All 7 Billion people instantly deciding over a relatively small ammount of time deciding to do a RELATIVELY unnaturala act, being that terms of describing words are generally different and opinionative. But let me ask you this: If the bible says gays aren’t natural andyou say gays aren’t natural.. Is god natural? NO. God is not natural. He is a fictional anomaly created by you all who want to provide an example for these pointless lives we live. Yet; If god exist. Is there still a feasible reason for our existence, that isn’t a selfish plea from god? “HELL NO”. Sorry low intelligent tea party-ers. Especially Joshua, and his logical thinkig.

  21. this is bullshit
    this is all wrong
    im straight and have gay friends
    im all for gay marriage
    this is like slavery all over again
    yall who are against gay marriage give me a damn good reason to like you cause right now i wanna rip your head off
    OH AND WHAT EVER DID THE GAYS DO TO YOU, YOU PRICK

    1. this response is perfectly perfect.
      I can not believe the nonsense I just read.
      I got a good laugh, but coming from a gay married woman, this is absolutely absurd.

  22. Wow, who ever wrote doesn’t know jack shit for example 2.Heterosexual marriages are valid becasue they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children. ..Really? cause I’ve seen first hand how many heterosexual couples just abandon their children because they cant handle them. For 18 years I have worked with foster children and heterosexual couples don’t have anymore of a right then gay couples do. this is extremely unfair and bias coming from a person who is straight. Please get you facts right this is ridiculous.

  23. In at least one state you actually can marry your dog. I think it’s either Tennessee or Kentucky. I remember seeing an interview their with someone who married his horse. But that was a heterosexual marriage.

    Also, it’s “sepArate,’ not “sepErate.” The “par” comes from the same root as “paring knife”

  24. Firefighters should be made illegal for the sane fact that it threatens all human life on the planet. Just imagine, every human on earth becomes a firefighter, no more farmers to grow crops, bye bye humanity! Thats right boys and girls, the human race will go extinct if being a firefighter is considered as “responsible” and “ok”. Throughing water on houses does not grow crops, and chemical extiguishers kill crops, hence everyone becoming a firefighter is very very bad for the survival of humanity.

    Now let’s take it one step further, now most of humanity are firefighters and no longer growing crops, and the rest are throwing water on houses. Does anyone else see the major threat pointed at humanity? On the yearly avarage, there are about 48 million houses drenched in water, thats right 48 million x firefighters = kiss you @ss goodbye humanity!

    And firefighting is murder, due to the fact that firefighers are diverting water away from the only process that can produce life, hence destroying life.

    I don’t bother taking the approach “this is evil”, I rather take the logical conclusion that faces us directly, these things offer nothing to the protecting of human life. Firefighters can only end life, never create it. Hence being a firefighter is a HATE CRIME against HUMANITY!

  25. I do not support gay marraige and I think these points are very helpfull for someone trying to convince or do a speech about gay marraige.

  26. if you’re serious about this, you’re an ass hole. and if you think you’re being funny, you’re an ass hole. simply stated gay marriage is something that millions of people have been fighting for and thoroughly have the right to obtain. your poking fun at this not appreciated by those of us who strongly agree that those of homosexual relations have the right to enjoy the life god gave them & the love he gave them as well. so seriously get off your damn soap box & stop blogging about things you’re incapable of taking seriously.
    thank you. :)

  27. I agree that same sex marriage should not be legal. I am not a homophobe, I just think that the definition of family should be reserved for a man and woman. If they want to get married for legal reasons, make some special law that does so, but they do not need to be married for happiness. I do base my belief on religion, but I got a wake up call from my atheist die hard liberal teacher, that A. Religion is just a biggoted hate filled scare tactic to spread around hate, war, violence, biggotry, and conservative ignorance. I did not want to object to his rant for I needed a good grade. But he said that religion is dying, and when it does, us “conservative ignoramus” can not base our beliefs on such faith that will no longer existed. I did not want to believe it but he was right. Look at the astounding numbers, atheism is rising fast and soon the whole world will be atheists. No more God, no more Jesus, no more Bible. After that, wars will no longer be seen as justified, abortion will be legal everywhere, and gay marriage will be legalized everywhere. It will be a nightmare for the Christian Conservatives like myself, but a paradise for non believing liberals. I really wish we can colonize on Mars.

  28. I am a proud homosexual, and give me one reason that I can not love my partner. And do not even use the fictional book called the bible or your imagination called god, because I do not believe in them. Religion is just faith and has no validation in this.

  29. nobody should care about religion: its not real.
    but gays should be able to be married. getting children, that’s something else…

    1. What’s to say they can’t have children? There are hundreds of kids in this world who don’t have families. Being adopted by a gay couple would be better than leaving them to fend for themselves.

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