Heterosexual Questionnaire

There are [multiple versions of this][1] floating around on the ‘net, and I’ve run across the concept before, but I saw this particular version for the first time this week in my Women’s Studies class, where it got a lot of laughs and some good discussions going.

[1]: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=heterosexuality+questionnaire&spell=1 “Google for ‘heterosexual questionnaire'”

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you decide that you were a heterosexual?
3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay or lesbian lover?
6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
7. Why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your lifestyle?
8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Why can’t you just be what you are and keep quiet about it?
9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual knowing the problems they’d face?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
11. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you?
14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you fear (s)he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
15. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality, and fail to develop your natural, healthy homosexual potential?
16. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

0 thoughts on “Heterosexual Questionnaire

  1. So, I’m totally stealing this and posting it…the last question is too funny for me not to in light of where I’ve been!

  2. On Comedy Central, a comedian was asked for an opinion on gay marriage, and replied, “Haven’t those poor people suffered enough!”