Doozy of a Dream

I very rarely remember my dreams, and usually when I do, it’s just a few very vague bits that fade almost immediately upon waking up.

Last night, though, I had something of a doozy. I was living with my parents and brother in this apartment, and we were all a good decade or two younger…or at least, Kevin and I were in our teens, I think. I had an idea for a photo I wanted to try to shoot, but Kevin was being a pain-in-the-butt little brother, and was hogging all the photo equipment. I couldn’t get any of the pieces I needed for what I wanted to do, and I knew that he was just doing it to get under my skin. I was getting madder and madder, until I burst out, “Find something else to do…!”

And blinked, and realized that I was awake, and I’d actually just said that. Out loud. Not only had I talked in my sleep, but I’d been loud enough that I’d managed to wake myself up doing it. Even better, with the peculiar logic of the half-awake, I was then even more ticked off at Kevin for making me wake myself up.

Meanwhile, poor Prairie, who’d apparently already been having a bit of a nightmare, had just been awakened at the scariest part of her dream by her boyfriend yelling at her to “find something else to do,” for no apparent reason whatsoever, and was lying in bed half-awake, confused, and petrified, trying to figure out what was going on.

Of course, neither of us found out about what was going on with the other until this morning, as I had spent the next half hour calming down and drifting back to sleep, and my poor girl spent the next hour and a half doing the same thing.

In retrospect, not my finest moment.

Kinda funny, though.

Now.

Fly Commando!

TSA Checkpoint A couple days ago, disgusted (as everyone should be) with the TSA’s current policy of sexual abuse at the screening stations (your choice: nude photos or sexual assault), I tweeted this:

After this http://djwudi.com/4fk and similar, I’m almost disappointed I’m not flying soon. I’d wear my kilt. Commando. Grope away, sucker!

It seems I’m not the only one who’s had this idea….

From TSA Opt-Out Day, Now with a Superfantastic New Twist! – Jeffrey Goldberg – National – The Atlantic:

It’s a one-word idea: Kilts. Think about it — if you’re a male, and you want to bollix-up the nonsensical airport security-industrial complex, one way to do so would be to wear a kilt. If nothing else, this will cause TSA employees to throw up their hands in disgust. If you want to go the extra extra mile, I suggest commando-style kilt-wearing. While it is probably illegal to fly without pants, I can’t imagine that it’s illegal to fly without underpants.  I If you are Scottish, or part Scottish, or know someone who is Scottish, or eat Scottish salmon, or enjoy Scotch, or have a vestigial affection for “Braveheart” despite Mel Gibson, you can plausibly claim some sort of multicultural diversity privilege — the term “True Scotsman” refers to soldiers who honor their tradition and heritage by wearing kilts without drawers underneath.

For the record, I always fly wearing a Utilikilt, and as with any time I wear a kilt, unless there’s some situation that demands otherwise, I generally do go commando. Hey, it’s comfortable, and under normal circumstances, there’s little to no likelihood that anyone’s going to be seeing anything they don’t want to. It’s never been a problem — quite the opposite, in fact, I usually just breeze through the metal detectors.

This past summer, though, as I was flying up to Anchorage from Seattle, I was pulled aside after going through the metal detector for a patdown. I was surprised, especially when the TSA screener told be that I was pulled aside specifically because I wore the kilt. My best guess is that because they can’t eyeball the shape of your upper legs as easily as when wearing pants, it’s marginally more likely that I could have something dangerous but non-metallic strapped to my upper/inner thigh. If that was the reasoning (they didn’t say), it does make me wonder if they regularly pull women wearing skirts aside for the extra pat-down, or if they reserve that treatment for men in skirts. Obviously, weirdos like us are far more likely to be dangerous.

The pat-down itself was about what I’d expect of a normal pat-down — thorough enough, with a quick run of the hands up my legs and under the kilt, but not so thorough that the screener knew whether or not I was commando. No fondling was involved, though there was a cursory brush-down of the front of the kilt that jostled things around a bit. A bit surprising, but at the time, I just shrugged it off.

No more of that, though. While I’m not flying anytime soon, if all of this ridiculousness is still going on when I do have to fly somewhere, I’m definitely opting out, and they just better do their jobs. If they’re determined to sexually assault me, then I’m at least going to get my money’s worth!

(via @jackwilliambell‘s retweet of @furf; image via BoingBoing via Oleg Volk)

Skyline Review by @hogbiker

Last night, a friend of mine in Anchorage was getting together with some friends. The plan was to watch the new sci-fi movie Skyline, then have a “boys’ night out.”

When I got up this morning, I thought the results needed to be saved for posterity. Here, then, is Karl‘s review of Skyline, assembled from his Twitter posts.

hogbiker: Looks like I’m going to see “Skyline”…

hogbiker: Cool! Boys night out! Bud’s have “kitchen passes.” Skyline then off to other “wet” locations around town. #debauchery

(Two hours later…)

hogbiker: I’d rather watch animal porn than Skyline. #absoluteshit

hogbiker: Thanks to Skyline, ‘Ninja Warrior’ is now a damn good movie! #worthless

hogbiker: Skyline is ‘clap’ of science fiction movies

hogbiker: Never in my life has a movie downed the party enough to call it a night. #historyinthemaking

hogbiker: Where do I start? Like I said, this POS makes ‘Ninja Assassin’ oscar worthy!

hogbiker: People were warning those waiting in line to go & watch something else till the ushers intervened!

hogbiker: …I’d watch [Battlefield Earth] on the BIG SCREEN over Skyline!

hogbiker: Skyline is the Chlamydia of science fiction movies!

hogbiker: Time to wash away that movie with some SERIOUS booze. G’night tweeps!

So there you have it, folks. Skyline: Makes Battlefield Earth look good.

George Takei Says You’re A Douchebag

Just a bit of silliness here. A little selective editing of premium pieces of this YouTube video gives us this particularly choice piece of audio. Feel free to download and use as your favorite ringtone. ;)

Long Version (201KB .mp3): “Hello, I’m George Takei. You are…a douchebag. That’s right! A douchebag. You are always going to be a total douchebag. I can only suspect that you have some…shall I say…’issues’ to work out?”

Medium Version (106KB .mp3): “You are…a douchebag. That’s right! A douchebag. You are always going to be a total douchebag.”

Short Version (29KB .mp3): “You are…a douchebag.”

I couldn’t resist.

In Which I Write Some Clever Poetry

This morning, the Utilikilts fan page on Facebook started a limerick thread, with only one rule: no mention of blue ribbons. When I started reading what other people had submitted, I was amused by the rather loose interpretation of the limerick form many were using. Though usually close, many were straying from the strict A/A/B/B/A 8/8/5/5/8 meter, and one person even used a haiku form instead.

So, I decided to have a little fun with my submission….

Utilikits started a thread
of clever limericks to be read.
The meter’s confusing
so many were using
a hodgepodge of styles instead!

I’m rather proud of that, and so far, I’ve received nine ‘likes’ and one limerick(-ish) response praising my snark. Not bad!