In Regards to Our Company’s New Phone Plan

‘Now, some of you are complaining that you don’t feel safe working with a phone that could randomly explode on any given day.’

Brilliant piece from McSweeny’s: Now is not the time to criticize the Galaxy Note 7.

We all have a lot of work to do if we want to get this company to be the best in the world, and I believe that if we work together, we can accomplish just that. However, I do have a message for those of you who have been complaining about our new company phone plan the past few days: Now is not the time to criticize the Galaxy Note 7.

Now, I’m not going to stand here and pretend like this phone doesn’t have problems. After all, the proof that it gets overheated and explodes for practically no reason at all has been evident for months, but now, we need to focus on its positive aspects and wipe the slate clean. It is our company phone now, and there’s no use complaining about it anymore.

Thank you, Wen Powers, for finding a way to actually make me laugh about this mess.

To: Pat Robertson. Your Pal, Satan.

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best,

Satan

Written by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis, first printed as a Letter to the Editor in the Star Tribune.

Deficit Attention Disorder

From the Christian Science Monitor, a funny editorial advertising Restraint®, a cure for Deficit Attention Disorder (DAD)!

From the [Christian Science Monitor][1], a funny editorial advertising Restraint®, a cure for Deficit Attention Disorder (DAD)!

[1]: http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/0604/p09s01-coop.html “Christian Science Monitor: A WONDER CURE FOR ‘DEFICIT ATTENTION DISORDER’!”

> Have you ever wondered how the federal government can bail out banks and mortgage-holders, cut your taxes, try to protect Social Security, expand your Medicare benefits, and send you a stimulus check – all at the same time? These may be symptoms of an embarrassing condition afflicting political parties, banks, and households across America: Deficit Attention Disorder (DAD).
>
> Unchecked, normal individuals (as well as politicians and bank CEOs) afflicted by DAD start to believe in money that doesn’t exist. This silent assassin of fiscal sanity overheats your credit card, sells you a make-believe mortgage, makes your pension go “poof,” and drops a whopping entitlement tab on your kids.
>
> Fortunately, there’s a new way to get DAD under control – without any of the cosmetic remedies prescribed by spin doctors. By combining an ancient Zen secret with a cure-all from your grandmother, our researchers are proud to introduce: Restraint®.

Propaganda

Propaganda, anyone? On the one hand, on a conceptual/artistic level, I like most of what I see. However, on a more intellectual level, it’s just frightening.

[Propaganda, anyone?][1] This site _really_ got my attention after it was posted over on [MetaFilter][2] today. On the one hand, on a conceptual/artistic level, I like most of what I see (though some of the posters really are just plain bad). However, on a more intellectual level, it’s just frightening, due to the strong resemblance to [WWII-era Soviet propaganda posters][3]. I was hoping that it may have been more satirical in nature, but apparently this is a real, serious attempt…though at exactly what isn’t entirely clear from the site.

[1]: http://www.artfightsback.com/bottom4.htm “Art Fights Back”
[2]: http://www.metafilter.com/comments.mefi/15443 “MeFi comments thread”
[3]: http://fighter-ace.propfighter.com/FA3/Images/suposters.htm “Soviet propaganda posters”